Opposites attract, right? When it comes to your intimate relationships, nothing could be more true. Remember when you first met? Remember the intensity that was present, the carnal need to be with that person, under any circumstance? That was the polarity created by each person individually expressing their respective energies. That woman was really being Woman! That man was Claiming Man! Put two of those people in a room together and it’s snapping an electric switch on an industrial magnet…things are going to attract.
At our recent Date with Destiny event in December, this idea of Polarity was discussed and demonstrated with several couples and individuals. When the polarity is gone, the relationship fizzles. When each person RE-claims their respective feminine and masculine energies, then the magic is reinvigorated and each person is more fulfilled. That’s why we are in a relationship in the first place…to be fulfilled!
Here is an excellent chart to help remind you of what it truly means to be feminine or masculine. Just reading the lists and comparing the ideas allows you to see where true polarity lies. Ask yourself honestly if you are embodying these aspects of being and if you are emulating them for your partner.
|Trying to Fill Up
|Trying to Empty
|Wants to Experience Love
|Wants to Experience Freedom
|Makes Small Things Big
|Makes Big Things Small
|Wants to be Understood
|Wants to be Appreciated
|Wants to be Owned
|Stimulated by Praise
|Stimulated by Challenge
|Storm of Light
|Storm of Peace
During my constant and nearly obsessive reading on hormones and endocrinology (and anything else, really), I came across an interesting study that measured and compared the testosterone levels of men who were either married with children, married with no children, unmarried but paired, or single. Check it out below.
What does this mean? It doesn’t look very good for me and my male cohort “brother’s with kids-in-arms”, right? It looks like the testosterone levels have no choice but to plummet once you get married and have kids. Let’s dissect these findings a little more closely and in the process we can see what we can learn.
Of course, levels of testosterone lower as we get older and the men who are married with children are likely, on average, older than men who are still single. With all things being equal, testosterone levels may fall in men who are married with children because they loose some or much of their masculine energy and polarity in their marriage and even with their kids. You have seen this situation before and maybe you know someone just like this. We see the emasculated man portrayed in the media. Male fertility is even on the decline, with men having lower sperm counts and increased incidences of breast development and breast cancer. Positive male role models and true mentors are very hard to find. In The Hormone Zone, I also make the call for men to evolve into positive role models and mentor younger men. There needs to be a revival for men to get back to honoring and fostering their own masculinity and passing this on to other men. This is really what the feminine woman wants and needs. She needs a man to actually be a man. Some of this can be from women taking over the role as the masculine figure. Often from a sense of lack of choice, women have to step up where men have failed. But at other times, women have grown to believe that they should always step up and never let a man be a man. It’s a chicken or egg situation here and it doesn’t really matter. The point is that we have a cultural shift of weak and ineffectual men and women forcing their round hips through square holes. We need to get back to experiencing our true core energies of who we really are meant to be.
There is more to the research I cited about the testosterone. Let’s examine how our emotions and thoughts dictate hormone levels. It has been shown scientifically, and rather obviously, that how we think and what we choose to feel directly affects our hormone levels, including testosterone. In The Hormone Zone I discuss the idea of Implicit Power Motivation. When you win a contest, your testosterone levels go up. When you lose, levels go down. This even applies to perceived winning or losing. In other words, when you believed you were winning, your levels would elevate. This is also seen with men watching sporting events. Your team wins, testosterone goes up. Your team loses, and your testosterone is down in the dirt.
How you feel, what you project, and how you interpret the world all DIRECTLY affects your hormone levels. Hormones are physical embodiments of our emotions, thoughts and concsiousness. “As a man thinketh, so is he.” As you think and dream and desire and express and create and really feel, your hormones follow suit and serve as direct stewards of those emotions for your entire body and those around you. I realized a long time ago that I am really in the business of “feelings.” I also realized that everyones personal endeavors and careers are related to changing or experiencing a “feeling.” It doesn’t matter what it is, it all comes back to an experience of a feeling. My patients come to me because they want to feel a certain way. They want to change their mental and emotional state and have feelings that enhance their personal idea of the world and to better relationships with a spouse, family, coworkers, or friends. When it comes to our intimate relationships, we want to feel alive again, or feel more alive, and feel deep intense love and connection enveloped in a true sense of happiness. My suggestion today is that the quality of your relationships are based on the quality of your emotions and your willingness to experience these emotions and therefore change your hormonal environment and from there…change your life. I also suggest that when you live truly within your core identity as either masculine or feminine, your emotions, your hormones, and your very soul will align to optimize your intimate relationships.
Get back to basics. Get to your core of who you are, your true nature. Know Thyself. And then live it. Be that masculine man, do it because you can and do it for her because it is what she needs. Be that feminine woman for yourself and he will follow you to the ends of the Earth. Create your polarity and you will both get exactly what you need; love, health, hormones, and all!
To Your Relationship Polarity & Health!
p.s. Be sure to check out a recent post where I discussed 3 simple things a man and woman NEED to enhance their relationships!